When it does..

My heart will leave the setting sun of hate, anger and despair. This is not for me no more. Nothing else should be in me, nothing else but pure love. I want to smile to the rising sun of love and hope.. I will.

My Doors shall never close in rejection and fear. This too wont dwell in me no more. I am an open book and still I shall be. It wont weaken me if I am crystal clear, It will only raise what I am worth. Some day I will be valued by the one who will know and understand.. I know.

My soul shall not be alone no more, shall not be isolate. I wasn't created for distance, I was created to be a center and an axis. I shall not deprive my presence from acknowledgement. Even if tonight I spend on my own in bed, tomorrow night wont have to be this way.. I'm certain

My life shall not fail to exist nor turn to blackness. My life is a sun, so brilliant and bright I wont let it turn to be a black hole. Even if everyone enjoys my warmth and light without gratitude I don't care, I wont shrink but when the dark comes I will be missed and valued. Even if not appreciated or cherished today, Tomorrow will come when I will be.. I believe.

Love Wins, I believe.

Aftermath of the Heart

Talk, talk, don't stop. Open up, speak it out. O heart of mine don't be silent, stop burying yourself in the dark. Say it, tell the whole story, say the password. How many times will you live? How many lives do you have other than this one? Don't ever regret a moment you spent, don't regret all that you have done, No Don't push yourself away o heart of mine. I don't want you to die on me now. Open up don't keep your silence, please don't choke life out of you. I know you loved her and I know you hurt, even though you are now without hope and even though I wouldn't agree for you to step further but this way you will only poison yourself, you will drown in sorrow and drag me with you. We are not to part o heart of mine, for we are both in this temple never to part. Love? What about it? Speak! Say it, I know what you keep deep inside of you. Help me help you. Don't die on me tonight, keep beating. When your beatings fail, I feel it, I drag into this long sleep too. If you want to die why don;t you say it?? Say it just say anything, anything. I have shut you up so many times, stopped you from even admitting it after that sad Monday but now I am telling you speak, I will listen, I wont stop you. Say the magic words, Speak them up loud, Shut them up or just scream them! YOU LOVE HER! And STILL DAMN YES YOU DO FOR I STILL LOVE HER TOO.. I still do.

Listen, calm down. I know its hard for you. Everything seem to remind you of her. Its hard to forget, even drugs didn't do you no good. Listen to me, I will lead you down my icy ways. I know my way is so cold for you, but it will take you back home again, I will heal you if you listen to me. I know my words are cold and hail to you, but they are true. Believe me, you will heal and those memories will fade away. It's going to be over soon believe me. O blind heart of mine, though you loved till the end of your existence, though you opened up wide, though you gave yourself and everything you had and I don't blame you for that, for I did the same too but I smile for I did all I had, all I was and all I can. Sing with me, just dance under the heat of this summer, lets jump in the sea. We did all that we were, did all that we could. We were willing to give up everything for the one we chosen to love. Take it this way.. At least now we know she is not for us, how else would we know? I guess now we will not be afraid to loose her anymore for now you and I know she is not for me. If we coiled in fear we would have been still trying to get her attention, patiently waiting for a sweet word or a date from her, now things are more clear to us. She cant hurt you no more, I promise you no more pain O heart of mine. It's over now believe me. Tomorrow is a new day, a new start, a new life. I believe that Father will heal us, I believe He will gather us to one we have been waiting for some day. So cheer up, Hope now is not a person, its in Him not her anymore. Come one, Yes beat again those beats of joy! Free yourself from grief and sorrow. Tomorrow will be better I promise, No more pain, No more..

Final Curtains

That scene ended in goodbyes. It's still hard to remember that moment, letting go was never easy; specially for me. Been more like a week now, cleaning up the mess in me, putting things in place, speaking up my mind and feelings. I never saw that coming, I thought we were getting closer but I guess I was wrong, we were just heading to a crossroads and the time was set for us to go each to our separate ways. Hmh, I guess I have objected long enough, fought, wrestled, talked and tried all my energy out but no regrets and no hard feelings. Now my battle is not to build, not to reach out anymore, but to restrain my horse and get it to submission to ride on again and to head after my destiny. I wonder why I write, I guess I got used to. I only feel free when I write, for absolutely no one can ever listen to my words for my feelings are so intense that they melt the lead shields of the solid rock hearts of the ones who listen. I know I am Hell and a Furnace, I know I am a rock and a rolling burden, but I know that I am here on this earth.. For now. Maybe that's why I prefer to write, so I wouldn't have to feel the guilt of pulling a soul into depression. But You God are not like any nor like all, You bear me and understand. Only You can deal with my tormented nature, for this I still smile. I have You.

Eyes of the blind

O eyes of mine, you have been open wide, for such a long time. You seek to see but nothing came to be. You had your dreams, you had your doubts. You have seeked the vision in the wandering clouds. Time ticks arround as you stay bound, leaving behind its boring sound. And as it goes by, and as your chances fly. You face the dark, you can't deny. But one day it will be known to your mind, when the sun is up, You are not blind.

Unknown, Banished & Forgotten

You have been there all the time, down under, far away from recognition and definitely so far from all sorts of appreciation. Cars roll past by you and streams of light flicker across. Seasons came and past by, years, months and days. You sat there watching time as lines carved signatures in your face. They have laid you down low even that your screams are not even heard. You keep your tears to yourself, and you fold on your bleeding wounds. Many have known you but none really cared. Have you waited for a savior? Or dreamt of a lover? None came to claim, none could stand still, none could take the test. All has failed you. You spill your diamonds at the feet of your dreams & your gold before your saviors. They walk over it and pass by. No language to tell or make that deaf zone brighten up into voices of music and poetry. Who understands you? Will anyone ever do? You have spread your arms and spoke the words out loud: " I am the prize, whoever gets me gets everything " but none understood. You, I know you. Since our first days on earth, since even before we were born. Yes, I know you. You have drained me out of my power and walls, you wanted to open up but I wanted to close. Now look at us now, what have we become? What have I done? Where have you gone now?
And though you are the heart and I am the mind.. I guess that both of us are blind!

Can't find a title

I know I might be wrong about a lot of things in my life, I know I have stepped on so many toes, I know sometimes I hurt. Never meant her no pain, no hurt. I might be a little clumsy, a little voluntary, a little strange but deep in me is a very sensitive heart. I know I am a bit stubborn, a bit tracked but I am always open minded and wanting to learn and eager to change to the better version of me.
I know I am not perfect, but what would Jesus choose to tell the judges to do about me? Will He tell them to do justice and stone me until I am buried under that pile of condemnations? ..I would stand speechless though for I believe. I believe that Jesus really understands and though my heart fades away a beat, though my mind grows weary, though my being feels hollow. Sometimes I don't know what to write, what to say or how to express. Don't know where to start. I am only learning how to dance but it seems like I got no chance. I would just need her words to tell me how, make me understand where my foot steps go with the rhythm, how my hands and shoulders should move with the tune. I have been trying to guess my way all around, its been so dark for me to see, I needed all the hints and help I could get but I seem to keep crashing in the wall again and again while all I needed was those little tips to guide my way. But it seems like I don't know what. I don't really know where to go, who would tell me. Who would really show me how to move with her and feel her, who would make me feel her own heart deep inside. If her lips wouldn't open to reveal her feelings and disappointments, I will stay be moving in the dark.
God I feel so bad, I don't know what to do. I don't know anything and I just keep missing her and worst of all is that I know she is hurting and I don't want her to hurt and I still don't know what to do. I am so confused, don't know what to think. Not even sure if she ever read my words that she would get me right and not even be more hurt. I am scared. Don't want to hurt her no more, her reaction makes me freak out of myself. Sometimes I ask myself what have I done and keep looking at the mirror trying to see the monster on the other side. Am I so horrible? Am I so scary? Hurting and so evil as I feel about myself right now? I pray you Father, If the answer is "yes" to those questions that You would protect her from me, even if the story would end with a spear that would go through my heart. God, You know. You know that I love her from all my heart, like I have never felt love before. I wish..................

Among the crowd..

Among the crowd, I pushed my way through the rush hours of day. Hopeless maybe, alone for sure. I made it that far on my own and I think I did fine. A load of thougts were on my mind as I opened that door; Yes, that door. The door that took me to a different world and a different face. From that moment on I knew that my destiny has dramatically changed, My future was no more mine & my heart was not inbetween my ribs. That moment I saw her. Yes, she was as beautiful as an angel and Yes, she stole my heart as a devil. She is unexplainable, uncomprehedible but yet so wonderful. I got no words, I would just lie underneath the stars and wonder. A lot of things don't really matter to me, What is mine now is a thing of the past. All my life became just a moment in time, everything stood still in me; now all that I want is to love her with all my being, in every bit of my existence, till the end of time.