Helpless to Confess

She took me where I lost myself, She lead me where I became no more. I followed her till everything I wanted became her, I pursuit her till she over took my existence. Her eyes trapped mine into adoration, Her voice captured my ears into hypnosis, Her body enslaved mine into devotion, Her presence forced my heart into surrender. Sweet sweet surrender. Like an iceberg I melted at the equator of her passion, and like a meteor I burnt into the atmosphere of her silence. She caught me by the heart and pulled me closer, brought me to my knees before her. I cannot resist her no more for I am tangled by the locks of her hair that drives me wild and by the look of her eyes she cheers my heart up. Addiction would be amazed what she has done to me and magic would wonder how she did that. She leaves me helpless to confess what I have been hiding and to admit all that I have been denying. Then my tongue rebels over my mind and speaks the secrets of my heart, threatening my strength as it uncovers my weakness. With all my power I try to stop it. Its not just my tongue, even my heart wants that! My eyes and skin wants that even my very own lips wont keep shut together everything in me seem to stand up against me! And then I find myself getting out of control. Totally.. And as I surrender, the words come out of my lips saying..
"I love you"

Drifting Shell

Somewhere I found myself, looking around couldn't see a thing. It's not dark but it's very undefined. Shapes seem to have no outline, masses seem to have no shadow. It's a different world in here. No one can tell North from South in here. Actually there is no one here but me. Sounds like the sea. Sleeping so peacefully and turning around as the currents move her. I can feel the shaking and rumbling. I hold on tight to where I stand. Keeping my balance. For all my life is in a tiny sea shell in the bottom of that huge ocean.

Stairways of space

Walking up the stairs, With uncertain steps I rose up. Looking around all I can see is stars and space nebulas creating an imperiled view I have never witnessed in my whole life. It's been a long way from earth now and a very long trip it was. Step by step I ascended these stairs and yet there are more to go. Weariness has forgot all about me, weakness has abandoned me. My eyes look up at the end of those stairs and focus on the end of it. Energy flows through my body and power rushes through my veins, heart pumps like an earthquake and breath as hot as a volcano. There seems to be so much life with in me, empowering me like a locomotive, like a nuclear bomb in its moment of power. I am like a comet crossing the space and wasting away the time passing across the galaxies unstopped and undefined. Everytime I look at her up there, at the end of those stairs I boil, freeze and evaporate into the deepest pit of love. While she is in the height of amazement. But then, what now? And how? All I know is I have to climb up those stairs, to the moon.

Unspeakable Love

Father, I look up to You. In my time of trouble and in the hour of affliction. Your face seems not to express anything while mine shows everything. You seem so much different from me though I am Your son. Your silence is a killer sometimes, Your stillness is tougher than the loads I carry but somehow You are doing the right thing. Your wisdom is beyond my humanly comprehension. Your ways are beyond my recognition but they take me to the right destination after all. I wait for You, Wait and wait. I keep my eyes fixed on You when my heart rips off my chest. When I am stabbed, hated and totally misunderstood. When I am counted as the enemy and avoided as poison. Sometimes Father all I have is hate and anger but it only lasts for a moment and disappears for that I am made of is love. Just like wine spilled on the floor, I am. I wonder no more for if Jesus was treated like so why would I be treated better? I am no greater than my Master, No better than my Teacher. All I have is just to look up to You Father for strength in time of darkness and for joy in time of pain. Only You Father know my heart, Only You Father know what it's like. Only you know the wounds of the one who loves. Only You who understand me and love me. I have no one else in this world but You. And really miss You here. Is there anyone in this world who has got a bit of Your love in her heart for me? Will there ever be? Vashti or Esther? I can not tell who is who anymore. All I have is an invitation, a red carpet and a celebration but it seems to me that no one of my guests is really interested. All are busy, worried and troubled. You have purified me like gold and even more precious I am. You have made me as clear as diamonds and pure as silver. Till now none realized my worth. None understood. But I am not upset about that for I believe You unlocked only one pair of eyes to see and understand and to want me. So I wait and wait for I know that day will come. And Till it does You keep me in Your furnace and purify me more and more. With Your silence and stillness. Your unspeakable love.

Nailed away

Been so long hanging on that cross, skin tightening and flesh dehydrating. Sun burnt my face and wounds covered me all over. Looking up to heavens to seek mercy but silence is all find. My loved ones deserting me was painful more than thirst, but I knew they would. They are so weak and I understand. How long should I stay hanging on that cross? Nailed away from freedom and crowned with burdens and sins for sake of Love and justice? I desire nothing for my will is the same of the Father. I look up to Him and I know that He will end it up when its time. He wont be late. I know I will have to go, Its nearly over now. I hang in patience and pain.

My friend the Groom

Dressed in His wedding suit He stood, I was right beside Him, Waiting with Him. I looked at my watch. She was late. He looked back to me with eyes full of sadness and disappointment. I didn't know what to say or what to tell Him. I knew that nothing could ever ease the pain that goes through His heart. Its been so long and He has been waiting eagerly for his bride. I am not His first friend, Others stood in my place for a long time till they had to leave. Sometimes I got angry at her for not showing up, but He, He never got angry of her. Though jealous He was but He never quit waiting for her. His breath was heavy and sad. He kept looking back at me with eyes full of words but no word He said. He then looked back at the door waiting for it to open at any moment for His bride to enter. I looked around, some guests have fallen asleep, some have left and some has kept on making fun of Him. I looked back to Him with eyes full of compassion and questions and He looked to me right through my eyes and then I started to see. I saw His bride deep within His eyes, She wasn't dressed in wedding clothes but she was dressed like a whore dancing before the eyes of others, bouncing from one man's hug to another's. Laughing and singing with a cup of strong drink in her hand. Stumbling from one hall to another, from one room to another, from a street to an alley. Into darkness she went, and into sorrow He was buried. He closed His eyes squeezing tears out of His eyes and out of mine tears ran down my face. He whispered: " Bring her back to Me", I nodded. For such greater love I will, for a broken heart of a worthy Groom, a dear friend and Lord I will. I walked towards the door, pushed it open with both hands and went through the dark, With a song, a song He wrote for her. Singing as I went. Hoping that she would recognize the words and that the tune may soften her drunken heart. The is nothing more precious in existence that a loving heart and nothing is more hurting than a broken one.

My little girl

My little girl, been so long since I last saw you. Been years since I have been close to you. Since that day that she left my side and wandered away through the busy streets of our city. I went on looking for her for days and nights but I never found her. Now here she is sitting in a corner grabbing her legs together as she faces her knees and stares at the ground where the winds blow the autumn leaves around. Tears flooded my eyes and started falling from my eyes as I saw her and I couldn't believe my eyes. Could my beloved little girl, the destination of all my love end up in this lonely and cold place? I couldn't believe what I saw. I have never imagined my baby the one who grew in my arms and enjoyed the warmth of my hug to end up hugging her knees in that cold surrender in that corner of a wall. My heart cracked as I saw her like that as if a cold steel blade ran throughout my beating heart. My skin froze and my eyes cried as I saw the ample of my eye misplaced and mistreated. I would rather die a thousand times than see her like that. I would rather fade into inexistence than to leave her like so. With passionate aching heart I ran close and I went down on my knees before her, tried to look her in the eyes, I touched her face as she opened her eyes slowly. "Beloved" I whispered, "Daddy is here for you". She looked at me with cold still eyes, she stared at me for a while then closed her eyes slowly then opened them again. "its not a dream my baby, Daddy is here for you" I whispered and smiled as a tear ran down my face. She opened her mouth and uttered something silently then her voice started to be heard: "da.." Then she smiled and closed her eyes and opened her arms. I grabbed her with both my arms and held her so tightly, raised her off the ground Kissed her all over her face and cried like I never did before, I heard her saying in a weak voice: "daddy I missed you, I missed you daddy". A moment in time that my heart kept beating as never before in my life that I felt it would stop. It's all that I ever wanted to hold in my arms again is my little girl.

If she was ever in Eden

She, the most wonderful person my eyes has ever seen. Her voice is the most relieving tone my ears has ever enjoyed. Everything about her makes me wish only for one wish.
That we would have met in Eden. With no memories, no past, no fear, no second thoughts, no regrets and no insecurities. I can take them away if she wanted, if only she surrendered and trusted me. But my hands are tied with a promise and my arms are wrapped in the chains of logic and understanding. I feel like a bomb that is ticking and like a smoking mountain ready to release its hidden volcano. A heart full of overwhelming love ready to burst with all its love and adoration. But then the mind rules me, understanding control my actions. How can I put fire in me and not burn and how can I leave a bomb in me and not explode? Can understanding answer that? Can reason argue with me? Or is it sometimes that ill logical natural actions be more wise than civilized organized reason? Or is it the pride of intelligence that ruins that purity of instincts? I wish we met in Eden, it wouldn't have to be this way.

Beneath the Cross

I walked across Jerusalem's busy streets carrying a huge chunk of wood placed on my shoulder, squeezing my wounded skin as I walked with bare feet along the hot stone paved streets towards the Calvary. I can hardly hear the people around, I am so exhausted, Lost a lot of blood and my body suffers severe pain from caused by flails of the executioners. Even the cool breeze seem to burn my wounds more, that breeze that used to cool down my warm skin is only hurting me more But not more than what I feel. I looked around trying hard to open my eyes from the bruises I got in my trial all night long. Those faces seems familiar, they were around when I entered Jerusalem. They cheered for salvation and now they are cursing me with death. My head is in extreme pain. Thorns have pierced my head all over. But all that is in my mind is to fulfill my Father's will. Struggling in each step I take I took one step after another. The guards pushed me to make haste all the way. I started to feel my body fainting, I want to move on by my knees are failing me, My skin burns, My head heavy and hurts, my back so weak and my shoulders are breaking. I lift up my eyes to my Father. I pushed on. Tried to focus more, tried to restrain my body. I have walked all around Israel and Judea for days and days now I can hardly make it up to Calvary. Its a heavy burden on my shoulder and heavier in my heart. My heart that beats with pain sorrow and obedience. My heart that beats with Love and moves my tears. My Heart, Ah...
I found myself on the ground, beneath the cross.

You wont Leave me, never!

Father, I don't want to speak. I don't know what goes on in my heart of mine. Will You be patient with me? Will You wait for me? Will You not stop loving me? I know I am wrong about a lot of things, I know I don't treat You the way I should be, The way someone who was really loved should react to his Lover. Father, Please don't stop loving me because I am so unfocused and confused. I want You Father, I just don't know what's wrong with me, I feel like I am drunk or something. I keep loosing my focus as if I am on drugs. How can I ever not choose You when I know You are All that I want and All that I wished for?? Help me Father, Don't leave me. Reach down for me and save me. Do not stop at my stone heart and let not my feeble will repel You. When I faint, hold me and if I die, revive me. Tell me now that we are to be together forever, Tell me You wont leave me nor forsake me. Tell me nothing can keep us apart! Father I love You, I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do..
But yes, I know You. You have promised not to leave me nor forsake me and Yes, You shall stop at nothing and Yes, You shall hold me when I faint and revive me when I die. Your Love never dies as long as You Are for You are Love and You are forever and ever. Your Love for me wont fade or fail. Your care for me wont just go away. Your grace is eternal and I shall forever dwell in your arms for life. I Love You Father, From all my heart.

Pearl of Arabia

I stood on the shores of the great white sea, looking at the horizon where the sky meets the sea, where the blue meets deeper blue. Winds blew at my face carrying the ends of my Arabian turban backwards as they wave like flags of fame and fortune trapping the eyes of the beholder to where I stand. I wish I could trap the eyes of just one, the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen as I sailed through the seas and journeyed across the Arabian deserts. One pair of brown eyes trapped the heart of an Arabian merchant. I would pay gold loads of a thousand camels for another chance to see her eyes, I would give a thousand boxes full of rare black pearls just for one step closer to her. I have gone across the great deserts, sailed along the endless waters, climbed the heights of mountains and past across the valleys. I have dragged my camels and horses for miles and miles, walked and ran and crawled for days and for endless nights I camped under those diamond stars in search for the most precious being ever seen on earth. Grooms from all around the world sail and travel to see her, to present the good of their lands and the wealth of their heir seeking her as a wife praying for her approval, even begging for it but she haven't accepted anyone yet. I untied the scarf around my neck, I held it in my hands and smelled it, Ah that scent of her, I thought. I remember the night she gave it to me with a smile. She knew I will be back and here I am getting close to her palace, her high tower where she sleeps. I passed all the other grooms who were in her garden camping waiting helplessly for her approval. I walked by as they stared at me. I have no fear nor doubt inbetween my courageous heart-beats. With eyes full of desire, with a heart full of fire I pushed her door open, her servants and maids tried to stop me but they were full of fear, they bowed down to me for they knew that I had the authority. I commanded my slaves to stand back at the door as I preceded up the stairs towards her room, that treasure box where she hides, that secret place where she disappears. I stood before the door, then slowly pushed it wide open revealing my presence to her. She slowly turned around with eyes wide open like a cup of mixed drink she was surprised and amazed at the same moment, she was shocked and thrilled. She was speechless. Her maid tried to apologize that she couldn't stop me from breaking the silence of her loneliness but she dismissed her leaving the both of us together again, like the first time we met. It was for a second of time, but this time its forever. I walked across her room straight towards her with eyes like an eagle. Her eyes were like a confused deer trying to jump away but in vain. I streched my hand to her she hesitated then she lowered her head and looked to the ground as she extended her hand to me. I bowed and kissed her hand gently, she could feel my warm desert lips touch her soft skin, she took a deep breath with an excited yet controlled smile she looked up to me, I smiled back then I pulled her up to stand and she did though her knees were too weak to stand. I gently grabbed her by the waist and slowly pulled her near to me, she closed her eyes. I closed mine.. All I felt was the touch of her soft lips touching mine then time stopped at this moment forever and all the world saw that and wondered for it has never seen such love.

Twins

Her eyes were warm brown as beautiful as the rugs of Persia, His eyes were as clear as the colored glass of an ancient cathedral. First time he saw her eyes, he got caught up in the beauty of her pretension, she also stared at the unexplainable depth of his desire. It is a sunny day at the great garden. A beautiful place for children their age to be. I brought them here, and here they are. At the beginning they didn't seem to interact much, she got busy chasing butterflies and he kept tracing her with his eyes from a distance. Going round in circles around the trees and the beautiful green bushes she kept on going as he took a corner and watched from a far. I noticed him getting hung up to her, gently trying to stand in her way.. He also wants to play. Her eyes kept him near for she also wanted him to be close. He talked to her and she seemed to reply I didn't hear what he said or how she replied for I was watching over them from a far. They seemed to act a little rough for children their age, they kept on avoiding eachother for a while then back together they came. The more I looked at them the more I smiled for memories came to me on the spot. Now they are playing some kind of a game, my guess its something like "hide and seek" She kept running from him while he chased her around as they giggled around filling the garden with a cheerful sound of innocent childish laughter. My heart was merry as I watched over them. Though she looked as fragile as a butterfly she was so hard to catch and though he looked like a wild little lion he was so gentle with her. The game kept on and on all through the day. No one knows how it will end. I simply zoomed out of all the details to see them in this wonderful place under this beautiful clear skies. Today they have met for the first time. I can see they are getting along just fine. A tear raced my check as I thought.. It has been a long time now they have been a part now they are together again like the first day they existed deep in their mother's womb. They were only once tiny little cell that has split in two. And though they had the same eyes, they never knew.. They were twins.