Friday, July 7, 2006

Largo

Winter, The season when I first met the earth. A season where the cold rain parts lovers while it washes away the dust off the dry leaves. Winter, where all the loneliness show as you try to get warm.. Alone. A season that never seemed to end in my life, doesn't seem to pass by or go away. As if time stopped the moment I was born, as if this planet decided not to tilt and bring me the spring. How I long for the spring sun, for its warm golden touch to warm up my skin and melt the ice cube that holds my heart. Yellow instead of blue. Sometimes I forget how roses and blossoms looked like, the color of fields, the joy of little children. Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like if summer was here? Would all this.....

Is summer drawn on a a face of woman? Is spring her body? Would autumn be her hair? And I am the winter? Here, somewhere on this planet. Somewhere in this life and during these times there is a woman, more beautiful than my wildest imagination and more pure than my expectations. A woman to be known not by my sight and senses but my heart and mind, my very own soul for she was a part from me once before and now we are only apart. A matter of time and patience. If it was up to my eyes I would have found her but it's not. Eyes deceive, but the spirit knows and is certain. Sometimes the beast in me wants to break down walls and cry her name out loud, to jump ahead of time and rush into what's never meant to be for sake of escaping that coldness and stiffness that winter brings. Mind too confused, struggling with the heart.

This war have used up all my resources and drained all my energy. This road have wasted my time in an endless pursuit. Like Osiris, I feel like I want to gather all the pieces of me to be whole again, one with my being.

Mind Scraps

I bent down my guitar, stopped my strings, relaxed my fingers and disengaged my mind. The song of life comes to an end and the words of love to a pause. No more notes to read and no more beats to lead. On that stage I was, but never meant to be. It's not for glory but a guilt stand. It's not a crown, it's a cross. It's not where I shine, but that's where I fade. Where me is not important but music is..

The land screams: "no more life, I will sell them for a price of none!". Keep your curses to your self o blood drinking sand. Your heart is a grave and your face is pain. I saw you disperse the lovers and spread away friends. Till when shall your times be as it was? Till when shall you whirl around taking the ones I care for away? O dragon of hell and doom, bringer of frown and gloom. Shall I drive a spear up your lofty heart, spill your blood for the ones who had to part?

What's the matter with me? Why do I see life as a battle ground? Am I paranoid? Or is it that I hurt? Am I true or delusional? Wise or mad? Frank or deceived? Should I rest this weary stone to bed? Would a dream carry away reality or would it just turn it to another nightmare?

Enough of this meaningless talk. Why do I want to escape the truth? I know I will miss her. Why deny? Am I protecting myself? Hell! I think I should stop writing and start sleeping. It will help pass the time at least.

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Facing the East

This morning I work up, touched the ground with my bare feet and looked out of my window towards the light. I remembered a request of a dear friend, asking me to send her something she missed in a message of words. I smiled walked on and took a step into those magic rays of the east; those that I have been hiding myself from in that concrete cave where I dwell...

Though it's not flesh, It touched me and though its only light it got into me. Slowly but surely warming up my skin, shivering the coldness away and driving the humidity out of my flesh. Mastering it's arts its rays sunk beneath my skin, filling my cells with life. Like a plant I felt my leaves revive and as a tree I stretched to the light. My colors grew brighter and the hue of my skin became more colorful and more beautiful. Though my eyes were closed, It was so bright. I opened my eyes to see life more beautiful, full of shades and lights. Full of contrast, brightness and color. It has reached my mind and spine, with warm indulgence it embraced my flesh and strengthened my bones, regenerating my power and filling me with divine energy, making me feel one with the universe; a part never to separate from life. Dancing this very slow and romantic dance across the face of this planet around the orbit of our existence. It is what pulls us close and pushes us apart, keeping all in harmony and perfect timing. It is the Sun.

Monday, July 3, 2006

The Waste!

I don't believe it was love, I don't believe it was ever meant to be. It wasn't true, It wasn't about giving it was all selfishly taking. Now I know that she never loved me, she only wanted me, She couldn't take the chance of letting me go, with all the good I brought with me to her life, to all the meaning I carried in my words for her. All that she wanted was to keep this pleasure I brought to her life, but when it comes to commitment she freaks out. She never loved me and never will, she only enjoyed me, squeezed pleasure out of my devotion and care. Who is she and who am I? The perfect love crime is when the victim co-operates with the criminal, to the extent of wasting himself. Yes, it was the perfect crime. I helped her. "waste me" I said invitingly, giving up my heart for one who never deserved the offer, devotion for a traitor, care for the careless. Irony! I was blind but now I see brighter than light; I know. War, on all that you left in me. War, is all I have for your memories. War, on all the ways that you drove me through. And though I forgive you, but you have no place in me no more. You are no more welcome in my life for eternity. So drop all your plans of sweet talking your way back to my life for now I see you for who you really are. You can't hide no more, I know your strategies, your plans, priorities and even your dreams. For spirit sees beyond skin, deeper than what the eyes can see. I am no longer flesh, for you have murdered me.

Saturday, July 1, 2006

The Wait

It's been haunting my brain for too long now, that terrible sticking headache. That pulse of pain that zaps across my neurons; that wave of hurt that runs through my system. Yes, I hurt but No, I'm not sick.. At least not physically. I believe it's my heart not my mind. I got a knife; a dagger: should I cut it out? Or just stab it? Is my cure in steel? Maybe. Would poison kill the pain? Or would that be another try in vain? Will drugs separate the hurt? Will medicine erase the memories? Or will they grow in me another obsession? I have put my heart through all the tests, examined it so closely and yet I don't understand why.. Why does it hurt? What keeps it feeling this way? Is time my cure? Does anyone know this for sure?? Why do my tears reject release? Why do I keep my sorrow to myself? Why do I write it down and keep it before me? Why does the past steal my future and rob me days of my pleasure? A land of thorns, a charging ox with horns, that asphalt ground, mourning with a terrible sound.. And You who read and listen, who know all stay so silent and quiet. You who has been with me from the beginning watch and wait. You who I have trusted and will. You who is dear to me, who I have no one else, Till when God will you keep your eyes closed and your ears shut to the cries and screams of my torn apart heart? How long? I choose to have no other choice but to wait and I will because You will Help me but.. Can You just move the time a bit faster? I ask for silly things that I know wont happen, You wont listen though You do. I will trust You and I will trust Your way. I should and I will and You will be on time.. The right time. That which I was promised will be for me and all that You have done will show the greatness of your plans and ways. Till that dawn shines, I wait.
Writings and Artwork Posted here are Copyright © 2005-2006, Kareem Makram